This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
