GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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