I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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