dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
