Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
