Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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