I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
