i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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