I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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