Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
