They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
nutella sex= disaster
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
