he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize