Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
