i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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