I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
