I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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