we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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