Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
