you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
