Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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