I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
