Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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