I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
