I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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