Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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