I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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