i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Randomize
