I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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