similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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