We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
