ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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