Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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