i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
