Swine flu. Run for my life!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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