woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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