You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
