Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
