She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
