You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
