Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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