My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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