Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
