Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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