I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if only i could text you this smell
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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