The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize