no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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