I wannas sexs uuuuu
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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