I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
