if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize