don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
