Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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