Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
