Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
