I hope mine doesn't look like that
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
