your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
