I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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