No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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