I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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