are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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