Jerry, you need to find god
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
