I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
