do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you inspire me to be a worse person
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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