Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
