you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
