Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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