It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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