hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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