Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
