Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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