I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
