we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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