Fuck appropriateness.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
as a side note pls kill me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
